Kate Copstick recording the Grouchy Club podcast yesterday
Yesterday, comedy critic Kate Copstick and I recorded our weekly Grouchy Club Podcast.
Subjects ranged from how to get early reviews at the Edinburgh Fringe to why stand-up comics are lazy and comedienne Janey Godley‘s promise to give Copstick macaroni pies throughout the four weeks of the Fringe in August.
But then conversation turned to comic Omar Hamdi, who currently has a case of facial acne…
Copstick
I used to love… I used to dream about having acne. I never ever had spots.
John
So you went out with boys who did have acne?
Copstick
I went out with boys… one particular boy who had amazing acne. I used to exchange sexual favours if he would let me squeeze his spots.
John
What did you do with the accumulated pus?
Copstick
Nothing. You clean it up. It’s no fun cleaning your face if there’s nothing… OK, it’s ugly, but there’s nothing to clean off. It’s like cleaning a floor. It’s much more satisfying to clean a floor if it’s really dirty. You think Whoa! That’s fantastic!
So – Normal face – That’s just normal – There’s no fun in cleaning it.
Face covered in pustules – You squeeze them, the pus comes out, you clean it up and – Look! – There’s a nice, clean, non-pusy face where, before, there was a pusy face.
John
So let’s say this sexually-attractive boy has, say, 20 spots on his left cheek. Did you squeeze one and clean off the pus. Or did you wait until all 20…
Copstick
No no no no no… In an ideal world, there’s a time… Did you not have spots, John?
John
I did, but I didn’t have a lady to squeeze mine.
Copstick
So what did you do?
John
I squeezed them myself. A lone life.
Copstick
I can imagine that. Talk us through it… Talk us through it… You’d be looking in the mirror…
John
I looked in the mirror, thought: That’s horrible; I wouldn’t have anything to do with that and… I don’t know if I did squeeze them. I don’t know what I did with them. It’s a long time ago.
Copstick
Cast your mind back.
John
It was the mid-19th century. I can’t remember at all.
Copstick
You must have… You must have… You can’t resist… It’s the catharsis. That’s the word. It’s a catharsis. Spot-squeezing is a catharsis.
John
I never had the urge to pop the poppable things in packing. It’s not a thing we Presbyterians do.
Copstick
Really?
John
It’s against God’s nature.
Copstick
Every time we sit here and podcast, I find out more strange things about you. You don’t like to squeeze spots…
John
No.
Copstick
You don’t pop bubble-wrap…
John
No. And I don’t like cheese.
Copstick
And you don’t like cheese… What do you do to relieve tension? Please don’t say Wank.
(LONG, LONG SILENCE)
John
I’ve got nothing to say, really.
Copstick
OK, fine. Back to squeezing spots… If you get the spot at the right point in its spotty little life, when you squeeze it, the pus is projectile.
John
So do you think Omar should actually pursue this as a way of audience interaction?
Copstick
He could auction off his spots.
John
Well, not his spots. His pus.
Copstick
Oh my God! Can you imagine if Bob Slayer could develop a really good-going dose of acne what he could do? The showbiz mileage Bob Slayer could get out of a face full of acne!
John
Bob Slayer is a large man who used to be a jockey, but he is a large man, especially for a jockey.
Copstick
I suppose his face is quite large. But, anyway, back to Omar. It could be end-of-the-show… A couple of nice young ladies, one on either side. (GASP) One on either side!… They race!… They race to squeeze the spots on each side.
John
It’s a TV game show.
Copstick
It’s fantastic!
John
It’s Friday night! It’s seven o’clock! It’s live from Norwich!
Copstick
Oh, wait wait wait wait wait… then he would only be able to do it on the first night, because I don’t think the pus would regenerate. Well, he could do it once a week. I have never had acne, but I assume it kind of regenerates…
You can listen to the full 28-minute audio version of the latest Grouchy Club Podcast on Podomatic and/or download that audio podcast from iTunes.
And you can watch the video version on YouTube.
